Lovability over “sustainability”… and the myth of “If I can’t wear it with three things in my closet I don’t buy it.”

There is an oft-repeated tale of sustainability and underconsumption that proposes the following: Before purchasing an item of clothing, make sure you can wear it with three items in your closet. People have absolved themselves of any notion of overconsumption with this rule. Across all social media platforms, this mantra is echoed by those into fashion and those not. It is being used to justify and legitimize purchases, and to make shopping purchases seem more considered than they actually are. Because truly, what item being bought ready to wear can’t “go” with three pieces of clothing? Almost any item of clothing, even the most avant-garde can be paired with a pair of jeans, a denim jacket, a white shirt, a leather motorcycle jacket, a crewneck sweater, etc. These are foundational basics in almost all wardrobes. But to really style a piece of clothing, in a manner that represents your personal style, and in a manner that respects your wardrobe, takes time. Of which there isn’t enough of when contemplating a purchase. And when in a brick and mortar, or while scrolling online, it is easy to vindicate oneself and one’s splurges with this sentiment of “can you wear it with three items you already own?”

I have another mantra that can help us build the wardrobe of our lives. How about we only fill our closet with items that we LOVE. Not like. LOVE. Of course, wardrobe basics aside, what about if we decided to only spend our money on items that bring us pure joy when we look in our closets. Strike what I said about wardrobe basics, hell, even those items should spark joy. Which provides a beautiful segue to the KonMari Method, invented by Marie Kondo. From KonMari’s website: “…the KonMari Method is a simple but effective organizing system that uses a transformative criterion: choosing what sparks joy.” While quarantined during the Coronavirus pandemic, Kondo’s Netflix show rose to popularity because of her decluttering method of only keeping clothing items in one’s wardrobe if it “sparks joy”. What if we applied this concept to our clothing purchases. Not the joy of shopping and spending money. Not the rush of adrenaline we get when we shop the clearance racks and get a good deal. What if we only bought clothes that we loved? How could that change our relationship with purchasing clothes? Or would it?

Scroll social media platforms like Tik Tok and Instagram and it’s hard to dodge the echoes of fashion girlies exclaiming, “I’m obsessed!” about literally every new unboxing or try-on. But can one really be obsessed about a white tee they just procured from Target’s “A New Day” in-house store label? Or how “obsessed” can you be about the cable knit sweater you, (and 5000 of your subscribers) just bought in Zara’s sale? Let me personalize this phenomenon… My obsession with black wide-leg trousers is one that has haunted me and prevented a full night’s sleep for a few years. Being plus size, and Amazonian in stature, (I’m 5’8.5), finding a pair of pants that lay on my curves, and sweeps the top of my shoes at just the perfect point while sweeping, but not dragging, the ground has proven a long and arduous task. So I settle. Or settled. Until I had six pairs. All a good fit, all fitting my criteria: be black, be long enough, be wide leg, fit in the waist, etc. All, okay. None that sparked joy. While perusing ThredUp, I came across a pair of pants that, if they fit, could be “The One”. The pants that my wardrobe was missing. The pants that could prove to be greater than all the other black pants combined. They were new with tags (a plus when shopping second-hand), high waisted (my preference), a 33′ inseam (really?!), and the waist was leather corseted in a Double-U shaped that if worn high enough could cup my breasts. Upon receiving the pants and trying them, there has been no need for me to ever look for black pants again. I know there aren’t any black pants that can compare to these pants. THESE black pants are THE ONLY black pants my wardrobe has ever needed. And with that, my overconsumption of Black pants subsided. * See pants below,

Lovability. My usage of the word isn’t grammatical, but the concept is familiar. The ability to love something. At its most basic definition. Peruse your closet and there are very few items that you LOVE. But the ones you do, find you choosing them over and over. Think about that dress you wear to weddings that skims your hips at just the right angle; or the bra that cups your breast and juts them out in the most inobscene way and is the perfect shade of your nude. You reach for that bra more than you will admit to anyone, neglecting the other twenty-seven bras in your drawer. Those black Gucci loafers have been resoled three times, while those kitten heel thigh-high boots in silver metallic have never not been in a box. Not because you are a conservative dresser or your aesthetic leans more “quiet luxury” (sigh), but you LOVE those Gucci loafers. You’ve made excuses to wear them with pants suits, jeans, a cocktail dress, sequins, feathers, tulle, etc. You love how they look, and how they make you look, so reaching for them comes naturally. The last time you reached for them, you had to remind yourself to reach for something else, in an effort to preserve those Gucci loafers, lest you may never find them again. Could that be the litmus test for clothes shopping? Only buying things that we love? Love builds though. It climbs. Love settles. It takes time. To truly integrate something into your wardrobe takes time. Not the obligatory wear that couples the novelty of a purchase, but the integration that makes something a wardrobe staple. Not a wardrobe basic, but a staple. An item so elemental in your wardrobe, you reach for it to complete outfits that don’t really go. But they do. Technically, they don’t. But that’s love for you. It doesn’t have to make sense. It just does.

*Incomparable black pants